Honest

"I can't fake interest".
Lizzie made short comment when we were talking
about our ward round.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I like honest people.

They don't say good things all the time.
But harsh truth is way better than sweet fallacy.
Deep.

Pause there. Let's not conclude

"But I'm not going to call you a bitch just 'cause I don't understand you"

I just read a blog post from a local nurse. And this was her conclusion after refusing to describe a person negatively despite being insisted by another person.

Why?
Simply because she knows of some of the good things that person have done.
Simply because she doesn't know that person well enough to coin a negative word on her.
Simply because she believes that her perception about others should not be easily influenced by that of others.

Bravo.

We do not simply trust people's judgement or perception towards someone.
Especially when you have never met that someone.

Sure, you can say that "takkan pokok bergoyang kalau tiada angin"
But.
You never know.
Spare that person the benefits of a doubt.
Pause there. Let's not conclude.

And.
We ourselves.
Don't end up being the reason someone else being despised by others.
Tak kesian ke.
Mungkin Allah uji kita dengan orang tu,
tapi orang tu is a real blessing to others?

Mungkin Allah buka aib orang tu depan kita,
tapi tutup aib orang tu depan orang lain?

Who are we to expose others' aib?

Mistakes and Growing Up

I felt embarrassed  reading one of my old blog posts.
I stated that I hate it when people act childish with telling their problems to me when I got my own problems to think about.
Sombong nya cik kak. Haish.
Kesian orang sekeliling saya.

I like to apologize to those who has been hurt by my attitudes.
And
Thank you very much for being patient with me all this while.
Saya memang ego.

At the same time, I'm amazed.
Amazed of how years of living have actually taught me something.
Although I know that I still am very much lacking in maturity, I believed that my previous self did learn through mistakes that I made.

I was selfish.
And I do believe I am still more selfish than many others.
But I'm think life has taught me a lot on how other people have their rights upon my life, my time, my possessions, my emotions, etc.

Mistakes.
Best teachers.
Though sometimes they punished us a bit too hard.
Even more hurtful when the repercussions stay, irreversibly.

Takwa

A lot of things in this world are certain.

Many things are already written for us.

But not our takwa.

Not our relationship with Allah.

But look at us.

Worrying too much about what are certain.

and not on takwa.

Takwa is not spontaneous.

We need to work for it.

To do more of what Allah loves.

And refrain from what He hates.

Refrain too, of what gives no benefit nor harm.

What we are in 10, 20 years time depends on what we refrain and train ourselves on NOW.

Mujahadah Nana!

Nanti Allah mould kamu jadi lebih baik.

Semalam Allah bagi ayat pasal mati.

"Setiap kamu pasti akan merasakan mati".

How we often forget.

Birthdays

Hari ni birthday 2 orang yang aku sayang.

Happy Birthday mak.

Happy Birthday syamim.

I love you both so dearly.

May Allah love you even more.

Erti dewasa

Go big or go home.
This quote inspired me alot.
To go all-out in things.
All or nothing, as they say.

But as I grew up,
I learned that that isn't always applicable.

There will be times when you can't go big with things.
When your resources are limited- be it time, energy, ideas, spaces, emotional endurance.
When this instance knocks, to leave and to declare "nothing" or "go home" spells irresponsibility.
Cause as we grow older, the decisions we make, and the accountability we hold deal with more and more entities.

So.
What we gotta do, mate?
We should deal with things as best as we can.
To not ignore issues in denial,
Or to leave matters open-ended.
Maybe things would not turn up big or perfect,
But we had done our best.
And we believe that Allah al-Wakeel is always with us.
He always goes big anyway :)

Mungkin itu tanda dewasa.

Mak

Mak.
How?
How did you do that?
Keeping your smile when you're at your low.
Cooking for us when you're all drained out after work.
Be self less. Like you got no self to care for.

Nana. Bila Balik hospital, kalau turn masak kat rumah, mesti penat.
Tapi mak, turn masak everyday :(

Nana, kalau penat or stress, mesti nak personal space.
Whereas for you, even if you're tired, that personal space has long gone:(

Or.
Maybe it hasn't actually gone.
That quiet moments you spend on your sejadah.
Itu ya?
Itu ke rahsia mak jadi super woman.

Maybe I should try that secret.

Duduk oversea ni, selalu rindu nasihat mak. Setiap kali mak tengok nana buat apa-apa, mesti mak cakap "baca selawat".
I love you mum.
Sorry if I haven't proved this enough.
But I really do.

Multipotentialites

There were times when I wondered of why I can't be an expert in one particular thing? 
It's not that I don't have any interest in any particular thing. It's because there are so many things I favour doing.

I love writing. I love calligraphy. I love learning about cultures . I enjoy debating. I love managing events. Liking many things meant that I don't really have a significant forte ie one particular thing I'm good at . Plus, I got confused as to which of those interests can be turned into a career. I even concluded that the adage "jack of all trades, master of none" is for me. Hehs. Sedihnya bunyi "master of none" tu.

But.
This multipotentialites concept TED talk is just beautiful :) 
I felt understood. Haha. Over je.

"embrace your inner wiring, whatever that may be. If you're a specialist at heart, then by all means, specialize. That is where you'll do your best work. But to the multipotentialites in the room, including those of you who may have just realized in the last 12 minutes that you are one --

11
to you I say: embrace your many passions. Follow your curiosity down those rabbit holes. Explore your intersections. Embracing our inner wiring leads to a happier, more authentic life. And perhaps more importantly -- multipotentialites, the world needs us."
Allah ni adil :D Alhamdulillah Allah actually gives all of us myriads of things to be grateful for. :)
Ps just found a blogpost I wrote in 2010 about something related to this. http://missjijanornana.blogspot.co.uk/2010/11/wish-im-in-renaissance.html

https://www.ted.com/talks/emilie_wapnick_why_some_of_us_don_t_have_one_true_calling

Varieties

Dear Nana,

If you want to spread Islam, you should do it with Ilm.

Be worry about talking and spreading nonsense and fallacy just as how you are worried about harming others by not knowing your stuff in Medicine.

Both are ibadah. Geddit?

You should do things with Itqan i.e to always aim for excellency.

Read read read.

Read about your Religion.

Read the news.

Read on economic issues.

Read on geography.

Read on botany.

Read on languages

Read on things.

Read varieties.

You'll understand life more.

You'll understand your self more.

and slowly but surely you'll understand His Deen more.

Insha Allah.

Do not limit the paths of learning Religion.

and by that, do understand that Islam is a way of life.

Life means many different topics.

It spells creativity.

Berdakwah bukan medan kata dan analogi.

Tapi medan makna dan hati.

Pinterest and food

Pinterest and those gorgeous food pictures. Good. One prove how technology works well in inspiring  hungry girl to cook. Especially cause they are mainly Western food recipes and the fact that I'm in UK let me think "hey, I can find that bahan at the supermarket fine." Or "mesti daun ni (setelah google nama daun atau rempah) ada kat market".

Kalau kat Malaysia, I'd probably reckon all ingredients with wierd names to be impossible to find. Pastu bagi alasan duduk kat Hulu Selangor so susah nak cari herbs or bahan uniks uniks. Hulu lah kononnya.  Lol. Kat rumah, semua resepi guna cheese tak kira lah Parmesan ke mozarella ke etc means one thing to me- Cheesedale. Hew hew.

Tahniah nana , akhirnya anda belajar ilmu baru tentang masakan di Uk. Awal-awal dulu, nama jah duduk UK pun, perut hardcore Melayu. Lepas ni, bolehlah cuba masak makanan Western kat rumah. Ain mesti suka :)

Hospital life vs family life

"What kind of life do you wish to live?" "A hospital life or a family life?"
"Emm". I just smiled and said, " Can I not have both?"
"Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way", then Dr Faruqi added " especially when you are on call. You and your husband, if both of you got lots of on-call, you two'll only get to say hi and wave a bye".

Okay.
Terima kasih doktor.
Itu scary mary.

Being a female doctor needs an understanding husband.
And needs us ourselves to be rational and fair to both career and family.
Sifu saya, Dr S kata "I'm very strict and rigid at making sure that my weekend is just for my family." . "Except on occasions when I have on call."

Sesungguhnya. I strongly believe in one's capabilility in controlling situations. Kalau nak bahagia, kalau nak balance, insya Allah boleh usaha. And Doa." :)

Ps: kalau suami bukan doktor, kena minta dia join kelab suami doktor under Ustaz Hasrizal. Eheh.